Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
