So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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