either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
