I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
