I want to make a zoo with you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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