you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
