Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
