hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
