So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
