Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Do vagina's smell?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
