i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
