You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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