I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
