i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
