I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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