This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize