Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
