WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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