If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
