i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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