I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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