I will die if light touches me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
