Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
