I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
