First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
