What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
