I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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