he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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