whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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