I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
