I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
