he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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