Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
