You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
