I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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