it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize