I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
