My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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