I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
