she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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