Three words: puerto rican gang bang
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
