If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
