problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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