Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
