Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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