Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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