There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
NoShamevember. You game?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
