I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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