Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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