I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
