did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
