First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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