2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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