New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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