I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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