I love black thongs
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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