put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
