she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize