It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
