i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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