Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
In other news, I just burned my penis
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
