How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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