who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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