Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch