3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
