my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough