i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.