as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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