I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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