sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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